So you'd like to know more about me and why I do what I do?
My mission is to inspire us all to truly fill up our own cup, so we operate from a stronger and calmer place. My vision is for us to view self care as a necessity, rather than a 'luxury'. When we don't take time for ourselves, our soul's pulse weakens, and perhaps even comes to a complete standstill. We are creatures who physically, mentally and emotionally are programmed to give... and this can sometimes have disastrous consequences on not only us, but for our relationships.
This is very 'easy' for me to say... I didn't always feel balanced and centred, and to be perfectly honest, it's still an every day practice for me.
In my early 20's, I rebelled against my Catholic school girl upbringing, and entered into a terribly destructive relationship built on mistrust and mutual manipulation. I was overweight, changed who I was completely to fit my partner's mould of what I needed to be, constantly sick with colds, chest infections, aches and pains. When the relationship inevitably fell apart, I was a mess.
This event spearheaded what would become the most horrific year of my life. I found depths of self hatred and punishment that I never even knew existed within me. All of a sudden I wanted to be out at night, every night, as often as I could, to avoid the stillness of being alone with my thoughts. The people I surrounded myself with didn't have my best interests at heart, and were similarly lost and confused. Drugs, alcohol and overspending were my go to 'fixes'... and a revolving door of men who I would never, ever have been drawn to had I not been in so much pain. It came to the point where I forgot what it was that I was trying to forget.
Albert Einstein defined insanity as "doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results"...
How I am still alive today only further confirms my belief that we have guardians watching over us. I would intentionally put myself into dangerous situations, take a concoction of substances in one evening, or squash my inner voice into the tiniest recess I could find. If I'm perfectly honest, I would have gone on with this behaviour for a lot longer until I wound up dead, or worse, had my body not sent me a very strong message. For a while, I tried my very best to ignore it. After a few weeks I had no choice but to listen... my lower belly was on fire. Not with an STD, but a serious infection of my ovaries that needed some of the strongest antibiotics I've ever taken. Moreover, my periods had stopped completely. The thought of not being able to have children some day because of my actions, shook me to my core. It made me truly question why I was still acting out, when essentially our break up was the best thing to ever happen to me.
From that day onwards, I began to pull back from my night life, and nurture myself. I took ownership of my health and wellness - and my periods eventually came back. In 2009, I completed an Advanced Diploma of Yoga & Meditation Teaching at Nature Care College in Sydney and truly found my centre. Studying things like yogic philosophy, meditation, nutrition and holistic counselling changed me completely.
I realised my happiness had to come from within, not relying on anyone or anything external to feel 'whole'.
Building a new life for myself was challenging but highly rewarding: letting go of friends who couldn't accept my new healthy self, letting go of relationship patterns that focused on broken men who needed my 'help', inviting in new ways of exercising, creating a positive attitude around food as medicine and my body image.
Finally regaining my confidence and voice as a woman, I had a life that looked Instagram perfect from the outside. A handsome husband, gorgeous dog, promising career as a coach and supportive circle of friends. It took a long time for me to realise that this new life felt hollow, as my marriage wasn't as harmonious as I had led everyone to believe. It had become so very evident to me that we were wildly moving into very different directions and energetic vibrations. I deserved better, and quite frankly, so did he. I’m often asked why I stayed so long if I was unhappy, and the truth is encapsulated by one word: fear. Fear of being single, of never having children, of my financial situation, of being with him, of being without him, having to move, who would have custody of our fur baby etc etc etc.
All clients I speak to when they are breaking up from a relationship tell me that on some level, they knew this was not the right person for them. Denial is a very handy tool that our ego loves to use to keep us safe in the short term, stuck in the long term. It’s terrifying for me to think that so many of us stay through physical and verbal abuse, drug and alcohol addiction or even just completely different value systems for years, decades or the rest of their natural life. I also stayed because I didn’t think I deserved any better.
It didn’t get better though. I then went straight from the frying pan, into the fire. I moved in with a man shortly after leaving my husband, when I relocated to London for a spell. What started out as a passionate and intense courtship, turned into my greatest lesson in life thus far. I would never advise a client to enter a serious relationship straight after leaving a marriage – ever. I still can’t explain to myself why I did, other than it felt right, it felt destined. People in spiritual circles talk about soul contracts, two people who make an agreement with each other before even meeting. We could talk for hours about any subject, he made me feel like the most beautiful woman alive and was on a very similar path to me – or so it seemed.
Soon I was being asked to cook three meals a day, and yelled at or admonished if it wasn’t the case. The pressure being placed on me financially was absurd, and it felt as though my clients were paying for his lavish choices. The constant fighting that eventually became par for the course and alcohol abuse on his behalf was reminding me all too much of my failed marriage. It took him physically shaking my head with anger, because he didn’t like how I had spoken to a driver as we crossed to the road, for me to become fed up. How had this become my life?!
This was not the clean break I had needed. This was not the life of health, wealth and love I envisioned. My nervous system was shot, and anxiety attacks were occurring on a daily basis. I grabbed the bull by the horns, and moved out. Admitting this failure to myself was hard, I had really wanted this to work out, as so many of us do. Admitting that many lines I had never allowed a man to cross, had been crossed.
It was one of the hardest transitions I've ever been through, but thankfully, this time I was armed - with the tools and practices that meant I didn't rely on toxic behaviour to feel 'full'. In fact, I'm now in the best shape of my life, dating again and strong enough to know that I deserve every aspect of life to be nourishing.
I want this same sense of 'unbreakability' and mindfulness to permeate through your soul.
I love working with my clients and enabling them to gently make healthier choices in their life and love.
I really look forward to connecting with you, inspiring and empowering you to love yourself and your partner - mindfully.
P.S. For those of you wanting to know more about me, even after reading through my warts and all story above (!) here are some juicy, random tid-bits:
sun rises, sun sets, bush walks, travelling, the beach, animals (especially dogs!), food glorious food, hot cups of fresh lemon/honey/ginger, long chats about life with my girlfriends, oracle cards, music, reading a good book, massages, the full moon, candles, aha moments, sweaty workouts, yin yoga, art galleries, game of thrones and you
5 random facts:
1. My background is Mexican/Hungarian
2. I'm really good at tongue twisters
3. My biggest food indulgence are dumplings
4. I speak Spanish, French and Italian fluently
5. When I see deer in the wild, I begin to cry uncontrollably