Hello beautiful goddess.
Thank you for understanding my absence last week, as I took some time over the long weekend to connect with myself, my husband and our furry baby.
This week, I would like to share with you the story of how I began the long road towards knowing and loving myself. The truth is, I haven't always lived and breathed health, wellness and self care. Far from it in fact.
In my early 20's, I went through a drawn out and torturous break up. My whole life had revolved around the relationship, so when it inevitably ended, I was left completely broken and empty. The best thing to come out of the whole experience, however, were the lessons that I learned.
The previous three years during the festive season, I was used to being with both of our families, and spending time with our mutual friends. Every spare second was accounted for eating, drinking or partying. The Christmas after our break up was... tough. I had moved on with a new boyfriend, and a new set of friends, but it wasn't the same. Nothing felt right. I couldn't seem to find a comfortable space inside myself.
I'd moved back in with my parents in an attempt to regain a sense of normalcy. On one particular sunny afternoon, I quietly went to join my dad in his study. The birds were singing, the cicadas were chirping, and the sun was in all it's glory. But nothing was glowing inside or outside of my body. Dad and I have always been close, but I had distanced myself from everyone during this time as I tried to put myself back together again. A conversation then took place that would change my life forever.
I tried to explain to him how I was feeling, my emotional pain and how a complete sense of unease was taking over my body. He patiently listened to my feelings, and that act in itself is something I am eternally grateful for. The truth bomb was about to land.
"My darling, you have spent so much time trying to seek external ways of filling yourself up: food/alcohol/relationships/shopping."
"The only way to be truly full from within, is to find your centre. Come to know yourself, at the deepest level, and you will never seek fulfilment from outside yourself again."
The truth bomb had well and truly hit home. This was an incredibly accurate account of how I had been living my life. Always ready for the next drink, relationship or make up purchase. And none of them ever made me feel any better about myself. The concept of knowing myself was so foreign and scary, but one that sounded very appealing at the same time.
I'm not going to lie and say I immediately went to trek around Nepal and India, and sat in lotus position for the next 5 years. I did continue to live a very destructive life for quite some time after that exchange. But those words kept ringing in my ears. They never left. My soul was waiting for the right time for love and light to emerge from the darkness.
It was whilst I was completing my Advanced Diploma of Yoga Teaching, and forming a healthier, more loving relationship with myself that I decided to pay homage to this conversation by tattooing across my back "Know Thyself". This was also written in the forecourt of the Temple of Apollo at Delphi in Greece. I can imagine that since the dawn of time, we as a human race have struggled with this concept. Look within, beautiful goddess, and really take the time to find out who you are. What it is that brings you joy. What it is that makes you feel nourished. What it is that allows your soul to reside with more ease and grace in your body.
I would really love to hear if any part of my story resonated with you in the comments below. Has any conversation you've had with a loved one changed your life in some way?