Spiritual Single Searching

On a summer’s morning late last year, I found myself sitting on one of my favourite beaches in the world. I desperately needed to collect my thoughts and ground my energy after a whirlwind love affair with yet another charismatic, intellectual, sexual male. My heart yearned for answers and a sense of certainty it simply could not have. Thoughts danced around in my mind like whirling dervishes and I began to seek solace from all the activity.

The sea has been my most loyal lover since I can remember. Whenever I need to recharge my soul, find stillness or feel a deeper sense of wellness, I head straight to the sand and enjoy the water running over my feet. On this particular morning, I decided a meditation on the beach was exactly what the witch doctor ordered. Guidance from my Inner Mentor began to flood through as soon as I closed my eyes, and I was filled with a sense of relief.

Inner Mentor: “The answer is, there is no answer.”  

Ego: “But I need to know… have I found my beloved? Will we be together?”

Inner Mentor: “The answer is… there is no answer.”

Ego: “Oh…”

Inner Mentor: “Gently open your eyes… It’s ok… You’re not cheating yourself out of your meditation… You’ve always deeply related to the energy of dogs… Observe them now as they strut up and down the beach… Tell me… What do you see them doing…?”

Ego: “Ummm… They’re wagging their tails…?”

Inner Mentor: “Yes… However, their main focus is on the ball the master is throwing into the distance… See how they focus on life, one ball at a time, with focused intention… All the while, wagging their tails with joy… You have allowed fear and anxiety to rule your life for far too long… The answer… Is… There is no answer… Allow more playfulness to enter your life, take each day, each moment as it comes… Do not race to the finish line any longer… Do you truly still fear being alone…? Have you ever really been truly alone…? Have you not always been surrounded by people who care and support you? Being a single woman should not induce a state of panic in your soul any longer precious one…”

Ego: “……………………………..”

After this download, it seemed to me as though time had come to a complete standstill as I continued to watch the gorgeous beasts run up and down the beach: focused, yet joyful.

What an epiphany. It was possible to want things, to have goals and dreams, and yet do it in a way that didn’t bring about the complete and utter destruction of my adrenal system. One thing I will forever be thankful to that particular lover for is injecting a much needed sense of fun and spontaneity into my life. In the personal development biz, we tend to take everything so fucking seriously a lot of the time. It can be truly exhausting living up to ideals of health, wealth and love, that we forget to actually enjoy life along the way.

The answer truly is there is no answer. And yet we cling often so desperately to a lover, a diet, a workout routine, a meditation practice, a material object… to provide us with the answers we seek. It’s not a very comforting concept, I know, I hear you. Clients so often tell me that they find the Eastern ideals of non attachment seductive, yet frustrating, as we are perfectly imperfect beings filled with wants and desires.

If I look back over my life, there’s so much that I’ve accomplished, but don’t ever take real stock of. I’d bet my last cent on the fact that you, as you’re reading this, don’t either. My invitation to us both is to stop always looking for god damn answers and have more fun – regardless of our relationship status, bank balance or body shape. I vow we focus on the next ball, wag our tails and enjoy the sand on our noses in the process. There truly is nothing more powerful than focused intention tempered by the lightness of appreciating each moment.

Spiritual, Single and Searching

Fiorella xo